What is Society? We have all heard these words so often: Society, Societal setup, and Norms, etc. I often think about what society really is. What is society comprised of? Is it a group of people or an institution? Who has created all these norms, how, and on what basis? Do we have to follow these rules regardless, and why? What will happen if we don’t?

Don’t you sometimes get fed up of all these societal pressures? Society always comes up with something, one after another. I agree that human beings are social animals, and we need each other for the small and big things in life. We are a part of society and need to play our role as well. But don’t you sometimes feel that life gets very overwhelming? You don’t live your life the way you should, deep down something is missing, and it’s hard to pin point. Don’t you at times feel like running away from this damn society, and live life on your own terms? But alas! Where to run (sigh)?

Sorry, I am overloading you with all these questions, but trust me there is a storm of questions that my mind deals with whenever I hear someone say, “what will society think” or “our society won’t approve of this.” WTH!!

Conquer or get Conquered:

You better conquer social pressures before it conquers you.

I know you’ll say that it’s easier said than done (Agreed). We are all different individuals with different situations, belief systems, and values (Agreed).

But don’t you wish to find your real happiness? Where does it lie, pleasing others or yourself? (Sorry, again pool of questions) Social pressures keep fluctuating and so do others’ expectations from you.

As a kid you were so happy because societal pressures weren’t as obvious. As maturity kicked in so did societal setup and norms. Societal pressures have brought us now to a point where we start losing control of our own lives. We start to envy other people’s lives. The grass is always greener on the other side.

To live your life with the passion you want to, you must reclaim ownership of your choices.

Pleasing others or yourself:

We are always concerned that if we won’t please the people around us (family/friends), we’ll then lose them. Mind you, I am using the word “Pleasing not Happy” as there is a difference between the two. Let’s first differentiate before we move forward in order to avoid any confusions. As per my understanding, when you do things for others with your heart and emotions involved, where you find a sense of happiness and contentment, it is called Happiness.

Whereas things done without any involvement of heart, and emotions and with some purpose, or doing things for the heck of it, is called Pleasing. Instead of feeling happy within, you feel frustrated and under some obligation.

Your definition may differ from mine. Every situation, individual, and circumstance varies and I totally understand it.

Now let’s get back to our main point.

By trying to please everyone we end up pleasing no one, ourselves included. How pathetic is that!!! Expectations hurt. People will have multiple hopes for you. When we expect, we stop accepting reality. Societal pressures keep growing day by day. People get frustrated if you don’t behave the way they expect you to. You become a target of judgment. This frustration creates a gap between what people expect from you and who you are. In this lieu, many people stop living their lives.

The things that bother me the most are:

*What does society do for you when you are facing hardships in life?

*What does society do for you when you are suffering in a bad relationship and are stuck?

*Rather than helping to get you out of depression, society pushes you further down.

*Where is the society when you face financial hardships, and are unable to pay your bills?

*What the heck does society do when you are crying the nights out and need to confide in someone for comfort?

*Where is this damn society when you are feeling lonely or have lost hope of living a happy life?

Does this society come forward to help you out, wipe your tears, pay your bills, or find a companion for you?

NOPE!! Trust me, society consists of people who just want to judge others without knowing what exactly is going on in their lives. They’ll just form an opinion about you regardless. If you want to remarry at the age of 40,50,60 it’s a problem for them. If you are not getting married till the age of 30 or so it’s also a problem for them. If you fall in love with a person from a different culture, that is a problem for them as well. If you try to be vocal about your wishes and rights, another problem for them. If you are a homosexual, well that’s a Big problem for them. If you are a single woman/divorcee/widow, you don’t have a right to dress up nicely, go out and have fun in life, and so on and so forth.

OMG, the list goes on. Society and their bloody expectations…

At times, when life, situations, and relationships get too overwhelming, it’s a time for reflection, self-analysis, and reframing of your relationships with others. If you don’t push back, people will assume you are okay with it.

Boundaries:

Few relationships should have no boundaries whatsoever to express ourselves fully. But in some relationships, boundaries are a must, or else people will continue to invade you. If you don’t resist, not only you are signing a contract of approval, it becomes a social practice. Learn to draw a line. You don’t have to be harsh or rough, though. Just let others know what is acceptable and what isn’t.

No one knows yourself better than you do. Only you can choose how you want to live your life.

 Connect and fall in Love with Yourself and Your Life (Again)

 Self-Love: Buddha said that the first and most important step is to Love yourself, treat yourself kindly, and with compassion. How can you pour from an empty cup? Accept yourself completely (flaws included). Be your own best friend. When we accept who we are, there’s no room for others’ expectations.

Self-Talk: You cannot control what people think about you, but you can definitely choose your inner dialogue. Thoughts are very powerful, and it can make or break you. Be mindful and pay close attention to your inner dialogue—are you being kind to or putting more pressure on yourself? Are you talking about who you are and what you want to be, or who you think you should be? Don’t let your inner dialogue be influenced by other people’s thoughts.

Live life on your own terms: Do whatever you feel is right for you. You have a full right to live life on your own terms until and unless your decisions are not adversely affecting others’ lives.

Wear whatever you feel comfortable and confident in. Eat whatever your soul desires to eat. You have a full right to make your own choices. If you want to date and marry at the age of 40, 50, or 60, go for it. If you are happy being single, it’s your wish. Follow your heart, and do what makes you happy. Society shouldn’t decide your choices.

Liberating yourself and others: When you don’t feel the pressure to please others, that’s the life you want to live, and it’s so liberating. Similarly, you won’t need to impose your will on others either.

Taking ownership of your life empowers others to follow suit.

 Judgements and Expectations: Practicing self-compassion not only eases your own expectations, but you also won’t feel the need to judge others.

Life is not perfect—removing expectations will bring more Gratitude in life and accepting life as it is.

Judgements don’t do any good. They only lead to frustration and negativity.

Life doesn’t move the way that we want it to. Life is what is actually happening. The sooner we accept this fact, the better life will get.

Acceptance: Life keeps throwing situations that are hard to deal with. The mind keeps rumbling, Why Me!! We try to run away from the reality, and like an Ostrich, dig our heads in the sand thinking the problem will just vanish. But knowingly or unknowingly, we are making the problem stronger and more visible. Life always comes in a duality, good with bad, dark with light, and low with high.

Accepting the reality is a significant step in finding calm and peace. When we are relaxed and at peace, we can give our best.

Any moment can be a turning point if you commit to it. Practicing self-love and compassion lead to love for everyone around us. We can’t change others, but we can definitely bring change in ourselves. Change is an individual act. If we all start focusing on ourselves, it’ll create a possible ripple effect that might lead to a massive Societal transformation.

Let’s make 2020 a year of Love, Compassion, Peace, and Change.

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