Disclaimer :  I write to Express, not to Impress. It’s based on both good and bad prevalences in the society. We have to bring our wounds in the light to let it heal. I won’t sugarcoat anything to make it look good or impress 🙂 My intention is to let my honesty and true-self flow through my words.

Thanks !!

Part – 2

After staying for one month in discomfort and many months of suppression, it resulted in: 12 damn tests, loss of appetite, tug of war within, mind on it’s own trip, pains in the body, and foggy mind. Doctors couldn’t find any thing wrong in my internal system (Medically). But ironically I found the root cause of all those problems and decided to treat myself. Not only me, but you also have that tool built in, and we choose not to use it. We prefer to be asleep than awake. Sleep is sweet, because waking up comes with a lots of baggage. We all try very very hard not to notice, because we don’t want to see how asleep we are, how desolate our condition really is. So we blindly carry on, driven by forces we don’t recognize or understand, or even acknowledge. We keep pushing away or numb our emotions. We choose to ignore and get ourselves immersed in the world (of Social Media) and try to find solutions in the external forces.

What helped me:

Self-love/compassion : 

Any time you find yourself in despair, in depression, in immense pain, look within. Are you living in your head or your heart? Let’s face it, we do live in our minds.

When we’re in pain or discomfort we don’t need our minds to tell us stories to make us feel better. We only need our hearts to open and to show ourselves compassion.

So it’s your responsibility to take care of yourself. That means you don’t have to bully yourself when you’re in pain. You don’t have to judge yourself for where you’re at. It’s your responsibility to show up for yourself in these moments when you need yourself the most.

How many of us got this teaching of Self-love/Compassion, either from school, parents, or the society?
Again, it’s thanks to all the conditioning and layers we have been wrapped with. Unfortunately, we are living in a world of, “take care of everybody else, but yourself.” And when you are completely drained, sit, cry, and scratch your head. Ridiculous!!!

Once you start to take care of yourself, you will start to give yourself things you need. You’ll begin to nourish your body more because you will be feeling just slightly better. You’ll see how your relationship with yourself and others will improve, and then be flying in the high spirits.

You’ll keep telling yourself it’s okay, and you’ll find yourself doing some gentle yoga. Yes, that’s how (Yoga) learning on the mat, guided me off the mat. I always believe in: “Go through the pain to grow through it. Don’t waste your pain. Get the hidden lessons in it.”

This rule applies in Yoga and Life as well. Some poses/challenges are so hard, we keep pushing ourselves to the edge, to build our strength, focus, and balance. The pain leads us toward the growth. If we discount our pain , we are evading our growth. Yoga and wellness journey are playing a great role in my evolvement. It’s a life class, and I try to learn each and every lesson with full commitment, honesty, and humility. It’s my journey of becoming.

Learn to say No: 

How many of us do that? Pleasing others is more prevalent in this societal setup. “No” can be taken as an offense.

I knew for sure, solution was not out there. I had to step forward and commit myself to wipe this discomfort away. I was stuck between two choices. Yes or No.

Don’t we all, at one point in life or should I say many? 

“Yes”: definitely was not the right path and would create havoc in mind and disturbance in my life.

 Beneficiary: Other side. 

 “No”: was the way to go.

 May be offensive for the other side, or I would have come across as being inconsiderate or without compassion.

I chose Courage over Discomfort. You have to muster the courage to say “NO” (kindly, politely), or else get ready to be in discomfort.

I gave priority to my well-being.

You can face this situation in any relationship, at work, with colleagues, spouse, friends, and family.

It gets hard to say “Yes” to people, with whom we have had bad experience in the past, got hurt multiple times, were given many chances, but of no use, and lost trust. Sometimes“Sorry” doesn’t work after damage has been done. As water without thirst, food without appetite, and painkiller without pain won’t serve, same as “Sorry”. 

Once you know you have been taken for a ride being caring, loving, and genuine, your trust gets shattered and you’re left with great pain and feel cheated. Most of the time, people who have caused the pain are not aware of your state or give a damn whatever you are going through. They are too busy in their own world, laughing, having fun, and we keep sulking in our own world, either with victim mentality or self-pity. We kept thinking where we went wrong, how can they be so insensitive, how can they take me for granted, lie, and so on. This CD keeps replaying in our minds and we live that hurt over and over again. Is anything wrong in that? No, I don’t think so. This is normally how we react, being a sensitive and emotional human being.

What it does to us: magnify, amplify, and multiply the hurt. Wrongdoers are done with their Karma, and we keep it on repeat mode.

That’s what I was doing. Every time I was interacting with that certain energy, either in person or my mind, I was going insane. Everything flashed back, years of humiliation, pain, tears, etc. The more I tried to run away from it and tried comforting myself, I am ok, my inner-self kept screaming, “No, you are not!”

I even lost my trust in friendship for years. 

I realized, the more we try to resist or run away from anything, the more we get chased. So I decided to face it.

Learn to say “NO” and keep your well-being in focus. Choose wisely, Courage or Discomfort. 
We are living in a world where mostly, “People are being used and things are being loved.” 

Sad, but hard fact.

Forgiveness:

This option was the hardest one for me. I heard and read a lot to forgive people who have hurt you. Forgiveness is just for your own good, to let you off  the hook of any bondage. We think that forgiving the other somehow implies that we are now okay with what the other person did, and maybe even one step further—that what they did is okay on a grander scale. Our perception is that forgiveness announces that what happened is no longer relevant, significant, or alive.  It’s as if we’re allowing the past to be done, and thus to move out of mind and heart, which can feel intolerable. But this is not what forgiveness is all about.  There is a lot to write on forgiveness, but I leave it here for now.

Basically I had to forgive all who did wrong and caused pain to me. It didn’t come naturally to me. I had to work at it and finally was able to forgive. It did help and lifted weight from my chest. I felt liberated 🙂

Stillness: 

We all perceive Stillness as Meditation. Well, yes that can be one way to look at it, but you don’t have to close your eyes, push the thoughts away, and sit still. Stillness can be just sitting doing nothing.

Be it in the nature, long drive, sitting quietly on a sofa with eyes closed, sitting by a lake or ocean, basically where you don’t get interrupted. Schedule some time for yourself (10-15 minutes).

You can do two things in the stillness:

  1. Just sit, chill, and be present. Enjoy your time. No work, kids, spouse, past, future or any other issue should be playing in your mind. Dedicate this time for yourself only. You deserve it. We all do.

2. You can search your inner-self, or what is called in the spiritual world, “Soul-Search”. The answers we are seeking; stillness can escort it to the surface.

This Stillness, both in the form of Meditation, and Soul-Searching, helped me tremendously. There was a time when my mind was full of questions, and I never found the answers to appease my soul. It frustrated me and evoked lots of bitterness in me. Stillness didn’t find answers for me, but obliterated many of my critical questions. 

Everything happens for a reason:

I know when we try to cope with difficult situations, this is not the approach we are looking for. But trust me, it’s true (depending upon the magnitude of the situation). You may not able to see it now, but down the lane, you’ll find, how each and every situation thrown at you, was like a pearl to make the perfect necklace for you. We always ask, “Why does it happen to me, why me?” But I have realized over the years, “Life doesn’t happen to us, it happens for us.” Everything will make sense at the right time. Little shift in the perception can do wonders. So please hang in there.

Everything always gets better. That is the truth. You are here to experience shimmering love, heart-aching, laughter, and so much joy.

Walk your journey with Grace:

Don’t let anyone talk you out of your grace, commitment, and decisions. When things get too overwhelming and our minds get foggy, we try to reach out to our friends and family to find some solace or advice. Not everyone you hang out with will be understanding, compassionate, empathetic, and non-judgmental. Out of hundreds you may find 1 or 2 people like those. They can be anyone, family, a friend, mentor, or someone you feel a certain connection with.

Sometimes we have to hear, “let it go, grow up, why are you cribbing or crying, don’t over think, don’t be egoistic, blah blah!!” We feel, it’s useless to talk to them, as it’s not comforting us. At times we feel, they are all the same, can’t understand our pain, how can they say let it go. It’s easier said than done, they don’t know what I am going through etc. etc.

I know lots of people, who are going through some type of hurt or pain. The most frustrating thing is: “When the wrongdoer gets the glory by putting best face forward and you (who got hurt) gets the bad name and blame.” I can totally connect with the same. I would say, “Live your truth, truth doesn’t alter, lie does.”

Friends, it’s your trajectory, your pain, your lessons, and your growth. No one has walked your path, so how can they feel or understand the pain you are going through. It’s your journey and you have a right to choose the path that serves you the best. Stay true to yourself and let grace guide you through this journey.

Choice is always Yours:

Let’s admit, we live in a society where everyone is competing with one another. I am talking about competition of : impressing others to be in the good books, showing how much I can do for you better than the other person, how much I love you that I can leave certain people for you. This is a world of impressing/pleasing than expressing. Love is the most abused word, it’s in the air.

In the name of love people are controlling each other. Friends and families can’t see bonding between two people. They start manipulating and playing mind games. This is all what been playing in each and every TV serial 🙂 . Trust me it’s all prevalent in the society. People are suffering being in that relationship but still choose to be there as they are either getting some benefit out of it or are under some obligation. Relationships have become like a business. It’s a Mutual Benefit Scheme. As the scheme gets over, love disappears. 

I have seen people cribbing and suffering in these type of relationships, but their story is different on social media. People are living superficial lives. Suffering but still choosing to keep going on. It’s like getting indigestion from some food but still not giving it up. It’s kind an addiction or compulsive behavior. But the day it converts into serious illness, you won’t have left with any option. We all wait till the end, rather than being proactive. Don’t use love as a tool to fool others and yourself.

Love doesn’t control, impress, bind, show off, or is some kind of competition among people. It’s not insecure. Love is a feeling that uplifts, liberates, and gentle. Love is a special connection that holds you in place. It doesn’t use or abuse you. I totally disagree with the quote, “Love hurts, or people who love you the most, hurt you the most.”  Nonsense!

If love hurts, then what liberates. Fake love and fake people hurt.

Please pay attention, if you feel you are stuck in a group of people, friends, or family where love is just a namesake, causing you pain and suffering, you can’t be yourself,  it’s draining you. Time to analyze, and pick one option: Courage or Discomfort. Courage is tough but it liberates you. Not many choose courage as it’s daring. Choice is always yours: Do you want to live life to the fullest or Suffer? And trust me, once you liberate yourself, you’ll attract authentic people who know what love is all about. They do exist in this world, very few though.

We are all on a journey of learning and evolving on this Planet. Let’s live our Authenticity. Authenticity is not something we have or don’t have. It’s a practice…a conscious choice of how we want to live. Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make everyday. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.

Hope you find some healing and guidance from this truth of mine as I did.

Stay Blessed and Be Well. Love <3 <3